Comedic Genius Robin Williams: Depression’s Newest Casualty

Robin Williams will always be remembered as the comic genius with a heart of gold.

This past Monday, August 11th 2014 we all learned of his passing by suicide and were shocked and stunned as Robin always made people laugh and wondered how someone who was such a smart, caring philanthropist and a comedic genius could do something like this to himself, but little did we know he suffered terribly from the “Silent Killer”,

depression.

As someone who has had to deal with major depression for years, I too have worn the mask of happiness to hide the pain.

The truth is, depression is a mental health condition that affects the “happy hormone” Seratonin in your brain.
This causes feelings of unworthiness and brings out our “inner demons”, those voices we hear in our mind that we are not good enough or that we are helpless when in fact we are not.

I have been prescribed Sertraline, a medicine to keep my seratonin stabilized.

Depression is not something you should handle alone.

 I have for many years and after 30+ years of suffering I finally did something about it.

For years I thought I would just “snap out of it” but when you have a chemical imbalance like low seratonin you will need extra help in balancing out this crucial element.

Dylan Matthews wrote a very comprehensive article below about depression this past week that shows the statistics of how many people are affected by this affliction and that many suffer in silence:
http://www.vox.com/2014/8/12/5993075/depression-suicide-13-facts

This article by USA Today gives the National Suicide Prevention hotline phone number as well as talking about how Robin’s suicide brought awareness to many people as this hotline was flooded with calls this past monday.

DON’T SUFFER IN SILENCE: MAKE THE CALL

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1(800)275-TALK

Robin’s suicide is a wake-up call for all who suffer from this insidious disease.

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/08/14/suicide-hotline-calls-surge/14053415/

DO NOT SELF-MEDICATE WITH ALCOHOL OR RECREATIONAL DRUGS.

Besides properly prescribed medication from a doctor you can meditate, go out in nature.

There is a natural supplement called L-Theanine which will help with anxiety, stress and depression.
Buddhist Monks have been taking this in tea form to calm their minds before long periods of meditation.

Most of all, keep in touch with the ones you love, this helps tremendously.

Try and do something a little different in your routine each day.

I take one day at a time as that is how I deal with the problems in my life.

My friend Singer-Songwriter Marci Geller wrote the blog below about her experiences with depression and also believes like I do that many creative people suffer from this affliction, too.
Marci talks in depth about the symptoms she experiences.  One of the symptoms we share is the feeling of being “weighted down” whenever we wish to accomplish things.

Great blogpost to understand the symptoms of depression:
http://marcigeller.wordpress.com/2014/08/14/robin-williams-a-great-loss-and-a-remarkable-revelation/

 REMEMBER, THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU, THINK ABOUT THEM WHEN FEELING SUICIDAL.

My Husband Rev. David Marsh has lived many lifetimes in one, he’s been through divorce, homelessness and faced dire poverty, suffered with depression and PTSD from his traumatic combat experiences from  being in army campaigns for many years and like Robin Williams, tried to self- medicate with alcohol and tabacco to the point of almost killing himself.

The only thing that kept him alive was the thought of disappointing his mother.

She is his shining light.

She is his Rock of Gibraltar.

David told me about this experience and that he wanted me to write a song about how the thought of his mother kept him alive.

He gave me the song title:  By A Thread
I will post this song when it is finished, but for now here are the words.
They came to me along with the melody within 10 minutes.

I am posting the words to this song as food for thought for those considering suicide:

By a Thread

By

David N. Marsh

Susan M. Sabella-Marsh

©2014

Just when I was giving up

A vision of you came to mind

Giving me strength and courage

That I had long left behind

Thought my life was over

You gave me another chance

To begin another day

Thanks isn’t enough for me to say

 

You had me hanging by a thread

You kept me holdin’ on

I could still see your bright light

Hearing you say keep on keepin’ on

This is only temporary

You’ll make a brand new start

You had me hanging by a thread

Attached to my heart

 

My life wasn’t very kind

And You knew that oh so well

I knew you kept on praying for me

While I was going through so much Hell

Somehow those prayers reached me

Because I lived to tell

 

You had me hanging by a thread

You kept me holdin’ on

I could still see your bright light

Hearing you say keep on keepin’ on

This is only temporary

You’ll make a brand new start

You had me hanging by a thread

Attached to my heart

 You had faith and believed in me

That made my life worth living

I want you to see

You had me hanging by a thread

You kept me holdin’ on

I could still see your bright light

Hearing you say keep on keepin on

This is only temporary

You’ll make a brand new start

You had me hanging by a thread

Attached to my heart

I sincerely hope all who suffer from depression seek help from a counselor, friends and family.

I’d like to remember Robin Williams for his humor, kindness and generosity.

 I don’t believe he died in vain as now more people are aware of how devastating and insidious depression can be and maybe, just maybe will seek the help they need.

A month ago I finally made the choice not to hide behind my “happy mask” anymore and seek the help I needed.
Depression is still a challenge, however I am now even more aware since Robin’s death the importance of seeking help for the silent killer depression is.

Many Blessings,

“Rev. Sue”

I

How A Kitten Taught Me Valuable Life Lessons

This photo was taken a few moments after I met my precious “Squeaker” calico kitten on Tuesday, July 16th, 2013

Guaranteed to melt your heart.

Squeaker died yesterday as she had gangrene on her tail.  I rescued her from being euthanized not knowing she would die days later from her condition.
 
This experience has taught me unconditional love and to appreciate the ones I love right here and now.
Even though I feel pain and emptiness in my heart, I am a much better person for having Squeaker in my life… In the 3 and 1/2 days I had her, she taught me so much…

* Appreciate, Validate and show love always, tomorrow is not guaranteed to any of us.

* Don’t be afraid to love for fear of loss, like the saying goes:

“It is always better to have love and lost than to have not loved at all”

* It doesn’t matter how long someone is in your life, what matters is the quality of time you spend with them.

* Every relationship we have, even down to the smallest, precious creature on Earth is a teacher to us for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

I wouldn’t trade the 3 and a 1/2 days I had with Squeaker for anything in the world.

THE STORY OF ME AND SQUEAKER:

I was accompanying my parents James and Phyllis along with their fully grown 16+ year old cat Sammy to the Pasco Animal Hospital as Sammy had lost the use of his two back legs, which we found out was due to a blood clot in his body along with a heart murmur.

While waiting in a room, we waited to hear instructions on how to care for Sammy when the vet had walked in and asked if anyone wanted to adopt a kitten that was dropped off by Animal Control for euthanization as the pound was overcrowded.

I emphatically responded “yes” as I could not understand why such a young kitten would be written off so fast, after all, it was the beginning of it’s life.
I didn’t know what the kitten looked like, but decided without seeing it that I would save it because I felt at the time it had a whole lifetime ahead.

Once I seen Squeaker I fell in love with her, she was boisterous, loving and full of life.

I said to myself “I like her, she’s a fighter, full of spunk!”

Not to mention doggone adorable!

I knew she was mine and we connected instantly.

The next few days I had her sitting on my chest, feeling my heartbeat and could feel the love connection pouring in.

Squeaker was a colicky kitten, crying and meowing constantly for attention.   I would diligently feed her and keep her comfy and played with her.

My boyfriend David told me to put her on my chest so she can hear my heartbeat and calm down.  It worked like a charm.

All Squeaker wanted was to love and be loved.

The two most important yet basic, simple needs of life…

David and I were glad to do this for her.

When I was informed about her passing, I went through the 7 Stages of Grief right away:

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn’t do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning “Why me?” You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair (“I will never drink again if you just bring him back”)

4. “DEPRESSION”, REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be “talked out of it” by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your “depression” begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward...

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.

Folks, I gotta tell ya, I was pretty angry and the “should’a could’a would’as”

were flooding my brain.

Thoughts like:
“How could the vet give that kitten to me without examining her?!!”

After all, she could have determined that Squeaker had a gangerous tail and it would have been fixed right on the spot.
“What could I have done differently?”

“If we were meant to be together, why would this travesty happen?”

The list goes on and on…

I could just sit and stew over this all day in between fits of crying but where would that get me?

I finally dragged myself out of bed like a sick sea slug and went into the kitchen.

Like a child I looked into my mother’s kind, sweet face and asked her

“Mom, why did this happen?  I was meant to have Squeaker!

My mom gave me the best explanation:

“Because she was an angel sent to you, just like many children who come into this world who have cancer and die young, they are only meant to be here a short time to experience and show us love”.

We both cried and for the first time in a long time I allowed myself to feel pain in my heart, like real piercing pain.

I thought to myself “Damn, that little kitten really got to me in just the few days I had her, I really felt like I loved her for a long time.”

I was crying like I had her for 10 years.

My mom told me to get a velvet heart-shaped box to put Squeaker in and also to bring the white, fuzzy blanket she was last wrapped in so we could cut pieces of it to put in this box.

I felt love coming from my mom that I hadn’t felt in a long time.  Our relationship was strained for months but this day the troubles we had disappeared.
I thought to myself “wow, this is pretty amazing…” and was overwhelmed and reminded of how my mom has always been there for me…

Like a child, I felt safe with her calm reassurance and guidance in this matter.

My mother called my father to ask him to come over and help me bury Squeaker.

He came over within  15 minutes of that call and was digging a hole in the backyard to put her in.

I was overwhelmed that my dad would drop what he was doing to come over and help me bury Squeaker.

In preparation for Squeaker’s burial, we were able to bond like we did many years ago and it made me feel safe and loved, that I was both giving and receiving love, the two basic, yet most important needs of life…

Squeaker indeed reflected the love that I gave her back to me through both of my parents.

A true reflection of love…

If you want love, you must reflect it…

Lesson learned…

Thank you, Squeaker!

A job well-done.

Rest in peace, my sweet little angel.

The definition of insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results…
~ Albert Einstein

Breaking the usual cycle of the same, dysfunctional relationships and life in general…

Hello…It’s Me…

Just a gal hoping her experiences will help others…